I honestly don't know what to write. I feel like writing something. Whatever gets written in this post is what I'll keep. (As opposed to the writing & re-writing to make it perfect). This New Year has started out rather different than most. I firmly believe that Heavenly Father gave me a good baby so I could handle all the family trials that come my way. I have "a great responsibility in being a help and support" to them. I'm not bitter because of the role I play in my family. Really. I will always be there for them. It's just hard sometimes. Jaron & I have often had the discussion as to my role in my family. How it's an important one, but one that I also feel the weight of on my shoulders. It's as if I were in charge of a large company, or organization. But wait, I am!! My family is the most important thing in this world. I see the choices that are being made, and it just breaks my heart. I try to do good things, out of love, but I really feel sometimes that I'm danged if I do, and danged if I don't. It's a tough place to be. My heart is heavy because I can't seem to do anything right, and I so desperately want to. Yes, they need to come to terms with their situation before they can let people in, but standing by is not an easy place to be.
I don't mean for this to sound totally depressing, because I am happy, it's just hard sometimes to find happiness amidst the chaos, tough love, and genuine concern. And I say this while Jaxen is talking and being so cute. I just love my baby boy!!
Ah, life. Isn't it sweet? And stressful. And blissful. And frustrating. And.....
i really liked what you had to say heidi, it's definitely true. your family is so blessed to have you, you're an amazing person-you can feel it from the first time that someone meets you. i hope things get better or that people at least recognize all the good that you are trying to do!!
ReplyDeleteIsn't life interesting. You can be totally happy and content with somethings in your life and heartbroken over others. If I remember, you are a tough cookie and can get through anything. Hope you had a nice Christmas.
ReplyDeleteHeidi, You are right. You were sent to your family on purpose, and they are blessed to have you. You have taught me a lot about family relationships, and about love. Unconditional love. Keep being the good influence you are. Love you!
ReplyDeleteI don't know your situation but there have definitley been times where I feel like I can totally relate. It's hard not to want to throw your hands up at times and just create some space. I know that is not an option, but oooh it can be tough. Good luck and good for you for recognizing and accepting the role that you play in your family. Hope all goes well! Miss you guys
ReplyDeleteWe learn a lot from our families, don't we? Especially patience and unconditional love. I think that is the main reason that families are part of the whole plan.
ReplyDeleteYou're a great example of unconditional love, especially when it's not the easiest thing.