Whew! 365 Days

Notice: This post will probably come across as being a pity party, and selfish. Read on if you'd like.

I cannot believe it's been a year since all heck broke out in my family. Jaron tells me I shouldn't think about it, and focus on moving on. BUT, it was the hardest thing EVER. I don't know how I can call it a "thing" because it was so many different "things". So much pain, so many tears, and so much confusion. I believe that a part of being able to move on is also being able to look back and evaluate where you've been. Not to the extent of re-living the heartache, but simply as a tool to help you improve. That is what I am attempting to do.

It still hurts. I miss all of them terribly. My Grandma died, Jaron's Grandpa died, and 2 divorces happened. One being the most painful divorce I've ever witnessed. (Not between Jaron and I.) I miss them in my everyday life. I miss how life used to be. He was a father figure to me. She was my big sister. She is still my favorite niece. I just want to shout to the world how much it hurts, how confusing it is, and how I don't feel it needed to happen the way it did. Sometimes I didn't say or do the right thing, but honestly, it's really hard to know what to say when faced with certain situations. And when you really LOVE the people involved.

My nephew came back into our lives after 8 years. What a wonderful thing, and a sad thing. Both of my nephews live under less than ideal circumstances. They have food and clothing, but their mothers' boyfriends are not nice. About all I can do is pray for them and show them a GREAT time when they're with me. I desperately want to reach in and take them out of their homes. But that's not necessarily the answer. I am a firm believer in the fact that children were sent to their specific parents for a reason. This must be true with my nephews. I have to believe it is true. And I would never trade the worrying for not having them in my life.

I'll be fine. But I'm still processing all of these "things", and doing my best to move on from these heart wrenching and heart breaking experiences.

Whew! 365 days that went by fast and hard.